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For the past ten years, I’ve been applying to the @the_portrait_society International Portrait Competition. Sifting through my email archives, I found a decade’s worth of rejections. But this year was different. On my birthday, of all days, I got a phone call. And instead of answering with any semblance of decorum, I immediately burst into tears.

My hands search for something to hold when they should have cradled the weight of new life. If I let go of myself or my daughter, I might fall to pieces. Clouds gather in mourning, when a new chapter should have dawned. My firstborn clings to me, in both comfort and protection of her mother, which a child should never have to do. She clings also in hopeful need, but I turn away to my own secret sorrow. I carried life…then death inside of me. I was responsible for my children’s wellbeing and ultimately failed at what it means to be both a woman and a mother.

My family made a big move this summer. We uprooted our home of twelve years in beautiful, rugged Utah to move east. It was a painful decision. I remember how God perfectly planned our path out west so I could mentor under William Whitaker. @bryanoyo found family at @waldenmiddleschool . Our daughter was born there and says “moun’ains” and “pellows” with a proper Utahn dialect. A remnant of my heart will always be in the valley beneath the shadow of Timpanogos.

Sad beige family. Merry Christmas!

My heart and muse, happy birthday!

Another recent commission. “Joanna,” 16x 12,” Charcoal and white chalk.

A recent portrait commission, charcoal and white chalk ➿

Thank you @artrenewalcenter for choosing two of my drawings as finalists in the 16th ARC Salon: “A Place of Refuge,” and “The Lioness Comes as a Lamb.” I’m so appreciative to be recognized by such a prestigious organization that celebrates realism and traditional art. #arc #artrenewalcenter #16tharcsalon #realistart #representationalart

Thank you @the_portrait_society for choosing two of my drawings as finalists for the Members Only Competition: “In the Stillness” for the Commissioned category and “The Lioness Comes as a Lamb” for Outside the Box.

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